maybe it's time i just accept who i am

i've been unsure of myself for so long

but there's one thing i am sure of

i'm miserable being myself

i feel like, just by staying how i am, i'm being dishonest to everyone around me, they're meeting someone else, a character whom i hate playing

i'm lying to myself

this isn't who i am and i know it

but i'm too scared to do anything

there are pleanty of little moments in my life that i think of often, one of which is an old note that will problably be added to misc later, (maybe if i remember, i'll link it here when i put it on the website, although problably not) so i'll talk about the other one

(i can't log in to get the image at the moment, but hopefully i remember to do it later)

on vacation when we stayed at an aunt's place for a little while, she had a cat (who's name i am unfortunately blanking on).

during this period i was still questioning myself and my identity, but i was doing very little about it

her cat apparently only takes well to girls, and when any man came by, including my aunt's son, she would go and hide.

but when i had come to the house, the cat had taken an instant liking to me, one that my aunt said she hadn't seen before

i felt seen, a feeling i've only had a few times before and would have even less times after.

talking about it now feels silly, but maybe that's just cause of how late i'm writing this.

i don't think this one should go public, but i'm problably going to upload it anyways

i kinda fucked this one up

hopefully i rewrite it later and you're not just left with this poor excuse of a story

maybe i'll come back and make it more interesting, or tie it to some other event, or maybe i'll quote that note i talked about earlier

so much possibility... so much that won't get done...